Getting jiggy wit it
by Darwin Copernicus
There I was, on the after-deck of MV Hornsby Grange, poised with steel shackles in my hands and deck chairs at the ready, determined to destroy the Satanic forces that were endangering Frank Sinatra's life. But trying to hit those evil seagulls was no easy matter. They seemed to be laughing at me. And when the bosun noticed me tossing valuable deck equipment overboard, I was dragged kicking and screaming to the brig, actually the paint locker, and locked in until the 2nd steward, who doubled as the ship's medico, could examine me.When the truth came out that I was the victim of a hypnotist's experiment the sessions were halted and I went through what these days they call cult-busting hell. Eventually I was allowed back to my cabin and back to work.
The experiment had begun harmlessly enough. A young AB (Able Seaman) named Colin had found that I was a choice subject for his experiments into hypnosis. I was keen to give it a go because I half sort of believed in reincarnation and he claimed he could regress me to my past lives. So we started off with simple experiments — making objects float around the cabin, speeding up and then slowing down time, but then we moved onto the serious stuff.
I was told, while in a hypnotic trance, that an important person would soon try to contact me. I thought little of it at the time. Two or three sessions later I learned that the prophesied "Saviour" had returned and he was now biding his time, waiting for the chance to reveal himself and save the world from destruction. This was very exciting news, especially seeing as only six months previously I had served on a cargo ship loaded with tractor tyres destined for Havana Cuba and had been turned around by the US submarine 'Nautilus' because nuclear war could break out at any moment.
I was curious to know who this Saviour was.
Some days and several sessions later I learned that the Saviour was disguised as a singer, which seemed a little odd until it was pointed out to me that this singer had already built up a loyal following of several million people, all of whom were ready to fight and die for him. It started to make sense. Elvis Presley! Who else? He was the number one popular singer back then. I preferred Little Richard but that was beside the point.
No apparently it wasn't Elvis, it was someone else just as big. It sure had me beat, no one was as big as Elvis. I had to swear on the Bible, that if the secret was revealed to me, that I would reveal it to no one. I agreed.
Colin placed a 45rpm record on the crew's cheap portable Dansette record player, and I recognised the song. "Nancy with the Laughing Face." Frank Sinatra! Frank Sinatra was the saviour of the world?!!! I was reminded that I was sworn to secrecy.
Yes of course, it figured. Elvis would have been too obvious a choice. Frank Sinatra was the ideal person to save the world because he was adored by young and old alike. Not that I was a great fan, but that didn't matter. I'd grow to like his music, and besides, it wasn't the music that mattered. It was his mission.
Over the next couple of weeks it was driven home to me just how important this mission was, and how priviledged I was to have been chosen by Frank to assist him save the world. But there was a problem. Evil forces had gotten wind of his mission and were threatening to saboutage it.
I had a sleepless night that night, I can tell you. Who were these people, these dark Satanic forces? Apparently they were heavily disguised. In fact they could take on many forms, not necessarily human.
Another week went by and things were looking grim indeed. Frank was in hiding because the Satanic forces were out to kill him and the whole mission was in jeopardy. There was a message for me from Frank. It read, "Doug, I need your help and I need it urgently. You must do all within your power to locate the enemy and destroy it. Do you agree to help me? If so, let Colin know and he will get back to me. Instructions will follow."
I was elated that I had been chosen to help Frank Sinatra fulfill his mission. But I was also sick with worry. It was a huge responsibilty. What if I failed? I looked forward with nervous anticipation to my next session with Colin, when Frank's instructions would be relayed to me. I was about to learn what form the Satanic forces had taken.
Apparently, so it turned out, on land they had taken the form of eagles. It made sense because eagles could soar above the general population and keep an eye on everyone and everything. Damned cunning! But at sea they disguised themselves as seagulls. Yes of course, they would do, it was an obvious ploy.
Hatred and rage welled up in me. I couldn't sleep at all that night. And at the crack of dawn I was on the after-deck of MV Hornsby Grange, screaming at the Satanic forces that were circling the boat, making a mockery of everything Frank Sinatra stood for. I gathered steel shackles and deckchairs and started hurling them at the Satanic forces, which kept circling, and diving for food, and shrieking, as seagulls are prone to do...
It had taken a little over a month, an hour each night, to turn me from a reasonably sane and sensible person into a raving madman. I never forgot the experience. And now when I listen to Christian fundamentalists singing the praises of the forthcoming and imminent "Armageddon," my blood runs cold. When I hear them describing in graphic detail how the Beast 666 will rise from the sea and do battle with the lion with the breastplate and seven heads, only to be hurled into the flaming pit, followed by years of war culminating in the destruction of all sinners and non-believers, and how Jesus Christ the saviour in a blood soaked robe will come galloping down from heaven on a white stallion to save the righteous... I feel sick.
I feel sick because it's not just the isolated hypnotised idiot saying this, but about 50 million Americans, some of whom program the Pentagon computers, command nuclear submarines, fly stealth bombers, and sit in pairs down missile silos. They await with glee the red alert which will enable them to unleash the holocaust which will destroy the Satanic forces and herald the thousand year reign of the Lord Jesus Christ.
That's why when they describe the imminent tribulation, or the "rapture" as they call it, they do so with tears of joy streaming down their cheeks. This nuclear, chemical and biological war which they are all contributing towards in one way or another is going to be so beautiful, so glorious and so joyful, they cannot understand why anyone would be opposed to it. We must be Communists or terrorists because all "born-again" Christians are going to be "raptured" up to heaven.
And the thing that scares me most of all is that the other 200 million Americans are unaware of, or unconcerned about it. Anyone who tries to raise the alarm, like Australia's Doctor Helen Caldicott, are considered crackpots. Alarmists. The President knows best. Oddly, the President, and his entire White House team are rootin' tootin' fundamentalist Christians!
The world is a ship being deliberately steered onto the rocks by mad people. And no one cares. Everyone's too busy accumulating wealth and looking forward to their retirement.
Russia still has more than 4,000 nuclear missiles pointed at the USA and Europe. The systems that prevent an accidental firing are in a parlous state of repair, so much so that twice in the last decade, Russia has come close to launching a full scale nuclear attack on America — once because a flock of seagulls was mistaken for an American attack, and on another occasion a Norwegian weather balloon was the culprit. On the second occasion a Russian general had a hunch that something was amiss. He suspected that the radar was at fault so he stopped the countdown one minute before the launch.
Russia wants to disarm*. It has asked the USA for financial assistance, but the USA refuses to spend more than a few paltry millions of dollars on this, THE most urgent and important task facing mankind today. Billions of dollars to spend on bombing Iraq but only a few million dollars spent on dismantling Russia's 4,000 nuclear missiles and disposing of the nuclear waste.
And the horrifying thing is, Americans don't care. The dumbing down of America is every bit as deadly as the rapturing up. Working together, those two forces will ensure the ultimate, and I would say, imminent, destruction of the United States of America, together with much of the planet.
And all because of a trance.
*Since writing this, President Putin has decided not to dismantle Russia's nuclear missiles, instead he has started upgrading them to infiltrate America's 'Missile Defense Initiative' should it ever get off the ground. The Masters of War got their way and the arms race is back on the agenda. Talk about a missed opportunity. Deliberately missed!