Auto-eroticism soon ceases to be what it is for most people – an admitted substitute for intercourse. It is sexual intercourse which becomes the substitute – and a poor one – for masturbation.
Quentin Crisp"I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine."
Spike Milligan
"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland, please raise your right hands."
Attributed to Saint Patrick, though I have my doubts"You are not an agnostic, Paddy. You are just a lazy slop who is too lazy to go to mass."
Conor Cruise O'Brien – quoting a parish priest"Someone along the corridor dislikes me and he keeps pushing mice under my door, so you see, I'm under mouse arrest."
Quentin Crisp
"You're only young once, but you can be immature forever."Germaine Greer
"You will notice that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else."
Dylan Moran
Lots more to follow