The Virgin Birth
"Made of the seed of David according to the flesh" – get it? What possible use would the seed of David be unless it was transmitted from Joseph to Jesus? Anyone with an IQ of 60 or above can clearly see that Joseph, not some psychedelic pudding in the sky, was the natural father of Jesus.
Jesus – Messiah or Monster?
God did not impregnate Mary. According to the Bible, Joseph did.
Mary, Joseph's wife, was impregnated by Joseph – or someone – before they were married, and Jesus was the result.
Jesus was just a normal sperm-meets-egg conception. Nothing divine or special about him at all.
Later on, when approached by a mentally disabled man, Jesus engaged the man's "evil spirits" in conversation, agreed with their diagnosis, then commanded them to leave the man alone and to transfer into 2,000 pigs instead. The pigs then leaped into the sea, thus drowning the evil spirits. This absurd story demonstrates that Bible writers did have a sense of humor after-all and were capable of fabricating any amount of extraordinry fiction to influence the gullible.
The story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead after he had been cooking for four days in the desert heat until his body "stinketh" is quite ridiculous. Imagine the state of the man's putrified brain. Besides, any "messiah" who drowns two thousand pigs in order to cure one mentally retarded man clearly would need to sink Noah's Ark in order to bring a corpse back to life!
Thus the "miracles" of Jesus were tricks. He was just Uri Geller in sandals.
The fact that no two accounts of Jesus' resurrection concur proves beyond all shadow of doubt that the writers of the so-called gospels were interviewing their typewriters. Jesus did not resurrect, in fact there is not the slightest evidence for his existance at all. But that's another story.
And as for the graves of "saints" opening up allowing the grisly corpses to stroll around Jerusalem "appearing unto many" – presumably to celebrate Jesus' resurrection – odd that Roman historians missed that event. They recorded everything in minute detail but numerous saintly corpses traipsing around didn't rate a mention.
Strange that.
Meanwhile, after his alleged death, Jesus stayed dead for 42 hours*, from Friday arvo till Sunday morning. What was he doing during that interval? Christians inform me he was saving souls in hades. Why did it take him 42 hours? Why didn't he just cast an instant spell over the wailing souls and restore them to joy and jellybeans in one split second? Afterall, this is "God" we're talking about, not some dimwitted, Pat Robertson style evangelical halfwit.
God can do Anything! Right? Or was the "devil" a force to reckon with? King Kong with horns and a pointy tail?
The resurrection story is silly beyond words. And without the resurrection there is no redemption, no salvation, no "christ" and therefore no Christianity. And there was no resurrection, just four old men writing silly stories to earn their biscuits.
Now we come to God's great sacrifice. Jesus was in constant communication with God, prayed to him every day. He even taught us how to pray, "Our father, who art in heaven..."
So God and Jesus never did lose touch, not for a moment. Even when Jesus wasn't praying, God's beady eye was on him because God knows everything. So far then, no sacrifice.
Then Jesus is killed and after a weekend cruising around hades, dripping blood and gunge everywhere, he returns to God. In fact he sits on the right hand of God. So heavenly father and son we'ren't separated for a moment, not for one second, and they ended up together again in heaven.
Still no sacrifice.
Besides which, Jesus IS God! According to Bible believers, God and Jesus are one and the same – celestial Siamese twins, welded together by a holy fucking ghost! They have always been together, they were together while Jesus walked on Earth and they have been together ever since.
So where is the sacrifice?
Are we talking about the few hours Jesus suffered on the cross? MILLIONS of heretics have suffered more at the hands of christian inquisitors. MILLIONS of witches and other heretics would gladly have exchanged places with Jesus for a relatively quick death without hours, days and even weeks of exquisite torture!!!!!
And how the relatives of murdered heretics must have longed to be re-united with their loved ones immediately after their "divine" murders.
God's so-called sacrifice was no sacrifice at all.
Thus, I Delilah – Samson's fuckbuddy – have toppled the the Four Pillars of Christianity and there is nothing left but superstitious rubble.
For bible references to these events go Here
*The 42 hours in hades calculated by Stella Bell of Melbourne
OR
The first chapter of the first book in the New Testament shoots the "virgin birth" theory down in flames. The author of the book of Matthew begins his narrative with the genealogy of Jesus. It starts with Abraham, passes through David and ends up at Joseph. Twenty-two times in the New Testament Jesus is referred to as "the Son of David" or the fruit of David's loins." Bearing in mind that Mary was not related to David but Joseph was, the only way for Jesus to be the fruit of David's loins was for the descendency to pass directly from Joseph to Jesus.
The Miracles
A miracle is something that cannot be explained in terms of normal experience. Jesus' so-called "miracle cures" were clearly faith healing stunts. If they were not, why did he ask people whether or not they had faith in him? If he was "god incarnate," as Christians claim, Jesus would have been able to cure people whether they had faith or not. But he couldn't. Jesus' phoney "powers" failed him completely when he visited his home town of Nazareth. Here, where people knew him as well as his brothers and sisters, he was unable to work his "miracles". The excuse he gave was that a prophet cannot deliver the goods where he is known, which of course is patently absurd if he was "God", creator of the universe. Jesus stirred up such anger among the Nazareens that they ran him out of town and tried to toss him over a cliff.
The Resurrection
It is rare for corpses to return from the dead, not unheard of, mind you, other religions including Judaism record several examples of cadavers springing back to life. Even so, it was always a major event. So important in fact that people remembered every detail. That is until the so-called resurrection of Jesus. Here, everybody saw different things at different times in different places. Think about it, if Elvis Presely were to resurrect and thirteen fans saw him, spoke to him, dined with him, every one of those thirteen people would remember the circumstances. You wouldn't have one fan saying he appeared in Boston and another saying he appeared in New York, one saying he was accompanied by Colonel Tom Parker and another saying it was Priscilla. The fans would remember whether it was morning or afternoon and whether he carried a guitar or a rucksack.
God's Sacrifice
"God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son." This is surely the biggest heap of crap ever written. Take for example the sad little epithet, "only begotten son". This usually applies to distressed families who yearn for a large family but who for some medical reason are blessed with only one child. How absurd, this is "God" we're talking about, he could have produced a thousand sprogs a minute had he a mind to! The suggestion that Jesus was his "only begotten" was his choice. One drop-kick was enough, probably.